Competitive Eater Songs

by Dream Journal

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Roy - V I Jordan - G I Adam - B I Josh - D


released July 9, 2013


Recorded above Amy's Place by Matt and Biff
Mixed/Mastered by John Angelo

It was all a dream, 2013

LSD 20



all rights reserved


Dream Journal Buffalo, New York


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Track Name: Carpet Samples
The mall rug salesman has been writing poems on the back of carpet samples. Thursday, he assisted a couple. They turned one over, he snatched it back. "You really weren't meant to see that, I'm just here to sell your carpets"
Track Name: Bird Sanctuary
My aunt, who cuts hair, brought home her new boyfriend. He's the night watchman at the local bird sanctuary. I sit across form this guy an ask him "what's keeping you from opening all those windows at night, telling your boss to fuck off, and making off in your pick up truck." He laughs and picks up his drink. "Well guy, think of all the worms I'd be killing." He laughs along with everyone else and goes on and on. It was a really good night
Track Name: The Pool
Well everyone's been talking about you and your old man. Apparently he got drunk and pissed on all the plants in front of the old post office. Well I'm down here at the bar and with the whole crew, and they've been asking about you. Your mom told me you haven't been getting out much and just siting by the pool. Well if it's any consolation, those plants were already dead
Track Name: Skate Videos
When I used to go to my neighbor's house to hang out, all he wanted to do was watch skate videos. I pretended to be into it, but those really blow when you have no interest at all. I also left my Pez dispenser in his mom's car once, and the next day he told me that it was now his. It's fifteen years later and I still wish I had the guts to ask for it back
Track Name: Sand Art
Hey man, I see what you're doing. I've been watching from on the boardwalk. I've watched kid after kid trip over a loose plank of wood in front of your stand as they run to buy a twisted bottle of rainbow sand art. I've watched as the change in their pocket falls out during their spill. And I've watched you swipe it. Now I'm not going to say anything because I know your stand is a staple. I know your stand is a fixture, and what a blow that would be to the community
Track Name: Rust Takes a Nap
You don't have to go home, and you're welcome to stay here. I've got countless notebooks of my eighth grade poetry for us to read and discuss. Because I really thought I had it figured out back then. Let's read and marvel over my metaphors for life: a crowded bus, a long road, a powerful book. I want to make sure you enjoy your time here. You can sit on the rug in front of the stereo. Allow me to refill your wine glass. Read the next poem with a British accent, it's entitled "the ultimate journey"
Track Name: Tall Boy
Snow piles up inside of an empty pumpkin filled with cigarette butts on the porch of a basement show. Many people walk around said pumpkin. It's jack-o-lantern face folding under it's own rotting weight. One asshole steps right into the top of it. Before the next band, he crushes his fourth tall boy. To his friends, the drunk calls it his "spooky Doc Marten." He thinks it's funny to dance with it in on his foot, and continues to for the remaining bands. Pumpkin guts are flying everywhere and he's having a great time. By the end of the night, his shoe has gone through the bottom of the thing. Someone towards the back walks out, "this guy again"
Track Name: Halloween Store
I'm still running by a Halloween store where all the costumes are trash cans. And no one really seems to mind, they just want to buy their kids the shiniest one
Track Name: Pool Skimmer
When training, astronauts must perform their tasks underwater. I was hired as the guy to clean out the pool at the end of the day. And after my shift, my shift I'd go to TGIF's to make happy hour. Grant behind the bar would call me the "space man." I'd laugh for sure at that. But those guys in those white suits were amazing though. No bigger chasm than me with a pool skimmer and a cosmonaut. To be that close to genius, it used to bog me down. One night so much that I jumped into the pool and began fucking with the fake space station. The security cameras caught me. When watching the tape, the guys yelled "keep swimmin fella!"
Track Name: Business Lunch
You get up so goddamn early, it feels like the earth is fat and lazy. Finding time to love is hard, when you have so much on your plate. Why not stay a little later so we can have a business lunch? You'll regale the group with classic stories from your wacky college days. And next to your written tip on the receipt, you'll draw a happy face. Well we held a little shindig for you, because your parents are so proud of you. And taped up your name so it's bigger than you, we had a party for you without you
Track Name: Duct Tape
I want to start a business where all I have to do is duct tape a picture of my face to baby strollers and dogs tied to parking meters. I'll have to apply for a loan, maybe ask my dad for advice. And that would be real good, to expose my face to others who are not in the know. I've lost all trust to express myself creatively, but perfected the art of talking about me.